As we all know, beards are the consummate symbol of manliness. To other men, a beard states you are rugged and tough, but also a deep thinker, and also a fantastic guy to share a beer with; to women it says that you are a gentleman and extremely sexually proficient. In rock and metal of course, facial awnings of the hairy variety demonstrate that you are gnarly, talented, and the best possible fit to your band. I myself revel in my chin tinsel, hence why you will not find ANY bias in this article, whatsoever. Fact. Anyway, in this list you will find some of my favourite beards from the world of rock and metal, all of which men and women alike would do well to attempt to emulate.

10. Marco Hietala (Nightwish, Tarot) 

What a beard to begin with. Not the biggest beard I grant you, but never fear, we will get to them later. This beard is in the list for the inventive way it has been deployed; what man can say that he does not, deep down, want to have a twin-forked beard? None. In his later years, Marco’s forks have also taken on a more white-ish hue, giving the appearance of his face ivy an even more bizarre look.

9. Shavo Odadjian (System of a Down) 

The single long plait is not a method of beard execution that many would choose to go with, but fair play to the lad for going for it and nailing it. System of a Down were always a very odd band, and even more odd-looking, and I for one certainly believe that they would not have looked anywhere near as weird had they not had the impeccable beard that dangles from this man’s face.

8. Scott Ian (Anthrax, The Damned Things) 

It is the sheer potential for this beard that makes it really special. Mr. Ian has been manipulating his gargantuan goatee for many a year now, and has even gone so far as to dye it bright red (as pictured). Sure, it may not be as long as the above, but it is the careful manner with which he has foregone all other hair around his beard so as to make him officially the second most proficient beard-wielder in the Big Four. Second only to…

7. Kerry King (Slayer) 

Despite looking like an absolute maniac at the best of times, it must also be noted that Kerry King has clearly had some sort of unholy medical operation and transferred every scrap of hair from his head onto his chin. The most noble sacrifice a man can make. To refer back to my introduction, Mr. King’s beard immediately shows to everyone what a gnarly and talented player he is, before he even busts out those insane thrash chops.

6. Lee Tobin (Feed the Rhino) 

I know that some out you out there will be questioning why this beard ranks higher in my estimation than the ones previous. While it is true that it might not be as lengthy as some of the previous ones, it is the all-over growth that wins it for me. If you were to take the weight of beard solely into account, I believe Lee would come out on top so far, so well-grown is his mandible warmer. Plus, there aren’t actually that many decent beards in hardcore, so well played to Lee for bucking the trend and proving to the rest of his peers just how brutal a singer having a beard can make you.

5. “Dimebag” Darrell Abbott (Pantera, Damageplan) 

Tragically this beard is no longer with us. At this point I almost want to say what a tragedy it is that this beard was taken from us, but that would seem a little too insensitive – would honestly rather have Dimebag still here and clean shaven than not here at all. Dime is considered to be the Founding Father of groove metal, and very few people have helped shaped the metal landscape as him. An insanely talented dude, and a seminal beard to go with him. This beard helped write such incredible tracks as Walk and F*cking Hostile, and the guy that it went with will never be forgotten.

4. Johan Hegg (Amon Amarth) 

What a ferociously brutal beard this man has! I personally reckon that he would not be able to growl as deep or menacing as he can without the power given to him by the veritable hedge that grows from underneath this man’s mouth. Watch out Mr. Hegg – Download this year may be the year you have your beard lovingly fondled by me. Try singing Twilight of the Thunder God with a 6-foot freak hanging from your beard…

3. Mark Heylmun (Suicide Silence) 

Suicide Silence were always focused around Mitch Lucker – whilst he didn’t have a beard he did have a seminal voice, and it is a real tragedy that he is no longer with us. However, Mark Heylmun was an incredible musical force in that band, and without a doubt has one of the finest beards in alternative music. The bushiness, the length, the understated and yet incredible way it flows alongside his frankly ridiculous blonde hair is truly a sight to behold.

2. Zakk Wylde (Black Label Society, Ozzy Osbourne) 

This man’s beard is like a combination of all of my favourite parts of other beards – it’s bushy, it’s long, he can plait it in various different ways should he so wish, the man behind it is a true god of our world and if anyone tries to disagree with me then I will set Zakk on you and he will hunt you down and eat you (he’s secretly a bear, don’t tell anyone).

1. Billy Gibbons (ZZ Top) 

Look at that beard! Look at it! It looks like Davey Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean made out of hair. Billy Gibbons is indisputably THE coolest man to have ever graced this planet (especially in that hat, just wow) and if you can grow a beard like Mr. Gibbons, or indeed his bandmate Dusty Hill, then you may get some idea of what it’s like to be a true Baron of the Beard. I’m actually struggling to put into words the sheer admiration I have for this man, both as a musician and as a beardist.

If you’re struggling to understand the appeal of a beard, then listen to this track, it explains it all very concisely…

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10. Sid Vicious 1957-1979 (21) 

His musicianship is often called into question – there are so many quotes that rubbish him as a bass player, and of course the fact that it isn’t him playing in The Sex Pistols only album, but consider this: why is it that when you think punk you think Vicious in all his glory leaning against a wall scowling to the world? Vicious at the time of his death actually had learnt to play and indeed there are recordings of him warming up before gigs where he sounds very efficient. He may not have been a natural but his influence lives on way beyond his short career.

9. Chris Whitley 1960-2005 (45) 

The man that can claim more artists listing him as an influence than any other on this list. He feverishly avoided being commercial and instead plugged himself into blues and riffing. To put him to a single genre is impossible; he flowed from every sort of rock style, mixing acoustic and electric providing the ultimate axeman blueprint. A blues legend that kept him away from the media and as such was never heard in the wider circles.

8. Bradley Nowell 1968-1996 (28) 

Ska and punk legend Nowell was the fore front of the band Sublime that had just signed to a major record label and after years of touring and paying their dues. The self-titled album would go on to be a massive hit and his style would see friends No Doubt stride to even bigger things.

7. Cliff Burton 1962-1986 (24) 

True, Burton did see some of Metallica’s success, but he would never know what a force they would be and how majorly ‘Master Of Puppets’ would change the landscape of heavy metal in general. His style is almost mythical, his bass solos both live and in recordings shake the foundations of what you think it should be played like, and the fact that Metallica seem like they have never really recovered from losing him says it all.

6. Shannon Hoon 1967-1995 (28) 

Hoon’s gruff, coarse voice haunts over the two albums that Blind Melon managed and his irrelevant and throw away lyrics pushed the band into the big time. ‘Changes’ and ‘No Rain’ saw them reach the top of the Billboard singles chart with a fantastically bluesy self-titled album but a critically panned but successful follow up meant that Hoon had once again started throwing himself into hard drugs in a sort of self-punishment. He was found dead on a tour bus after a patchy performance; a victim of self-perfection.

5. Hillel Slovak 1962-1988 (26) 

One of the founding members of The Red Hot Chilli Peppers and frequently the subject of some of their best known ballads, Slovak left a huge shadow when he finally succumbed to heroin addiction. His style of playing is all over the band’s first two albums, his funk infused chops smashing and cutting a swath through Flea’s pumping bass. He created the blueprint for the band and even after he was replaced by John Frusciante, it is clear the he followed the same patterns of Anthony Kiedis’ Lovely Man.

4. Andrew Wood 1966-1990 (24) 

A legend of the underground grunge scene in the late eighties, his voice and mystical lyrics lead to a band called Mother Love Bone teetering on the edge of stardom, but his experimenting with heroin once again meant that his voice and style can only be heard in EPs and one lone LP. Years later, the members of the band Mother Love Bone formed to be a pair of rather ground-breaking groups in the grunge eruption, Pearl Jam and Soundgarden.

3. Richey Edwards 1967-? (28 at age of disappearance) 

The story of his disappearance is probably going to become one of the great mysteries and legends of rock music, but his music influenced, and is missed in, every song of the Manic Street Preachers. His lyrics are the focal point of their masterpiece ‘The Holy Bible’ as he pushes them into hard and difficult stories of addiction, anorexia and violence. Listen to the music that the Preachers write now and tell me that they would have sounded the same with this man still among their ranks.

2. Bon Scott 1946-1980 (33) 

Heads the list of so many, being the greatest frontman; seemingly fashioned out of iron and always sporting torn denim graced AC/DC’s early work but would never know the acclaim and fame that would be 1981’s Back In Black which of course was a tribute to the razor voiced piston’s legendary hard living. Much missed.

1. Jeff Buckley 1966-1997 (30) 

Forget the vile sycophantic version that that thing from X-Factor sung and instead go and put on ‘Grace’ and listen to Buckley’s falsetto and finger picking style, the way his guitar swells and drifts over phrases. He only released one album, and it wasn’t even a hit until after he died. We will never know how many more beautiful songs he could write and sing, and the fact this all happened because of any accident makes it even more tragic.

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10. Punisher 

This is what I was talking about in my intro; whilst Punisher technically has no superpowers, he is hard as f*ck, and to complain that he doesn’t look like he would fit in at an Amon Amarth show is to risk him getting “slightly annoyed” and shooting you in your face with a variety of MASSIVE guns. Plus he only kills people who really deserve it, who are invariably people who listen to Ke$ha and think it’s ok to use “faggot” as an insult.

9. Deadpool 

One of the slightly lesser-know Marvel heroes, but for those who don’t know his superpower is the ability to break the 4^th wall of narration – essentially, he knows he’s in a comic book and talks to the reader while the other characters have no clue what he’s on about. To me that speaks pure anarchy, and I have a sneaky suspicion that under that red hood of his, he’s listening to some pure classic punk. Although actually he does dress like Fred Durst…

8. Catwoman

Leather everywhere, and we all know she got those acrobatic skills from managing to hold her own at a Dimmu Borgir show.

7. Black Widow

Same reasoning as Catwoman but with an even more metal name.

6. Thor 

I think I actually saw Thor wandering round a Hammerfall show a few years back… He’s the god of thunder, and if that isn’t second only to being god of the underworld I don’t know what is. Besides, he looks like he belongs fronting a Scandinavian band like Cold Feet Control or Clock Paradox.

5. Batman 

Ok, I know this will spark some debate over whether he’s actually a superhero because he doesn’t have super powers. A reasonable point, but DC say he is and I am not going to complain. Anyway, he’s on the list due to his affinity to make loud explosions, the fact he always wears black, and in the Christian Bale films sounds like he’s walking around trying to be Phil Anselmo.

4. Ghost Rider 

A flaming skull. Leather and chains everywhere. Some massive hellish motorbike. Can you honestly tell me that this bad-boy would not be a Heaven Shall Burn fan? No, you cannot.

3. Hellboy 

I’m pretty sure that Erik from Watain has been trying to turn himself into Hellboy for a while now; nonetheless, just look at him. Not only does he look like Satan himself, he also wears some f*ck-off leather trench coat and leather trousers. Ain’t nobody gonna mess with this guy in a mosh pit.

2. Wolverine 

Now, this fella literally has a metal skeleton. Our editor may have drunkenly claimed to own such a thing, but this guy actually has it. If you exclude the slightly, well, crap bright yellow costume from the X-men TV series, and only look at the Hugh Jackman portrayal he’s always wearing leather, and look at that facial hair. He’s blatantly an Anthrax and Motorhead fan. He drinks like a fish and smokes cigars as well, so he’d fit right in hanging around the Crobar in London at 3am.

1. Iron Man

Here pictured midway through picking up change.

Nobody is going to argue with me on this one. He got a Black Sabbath song named after him for f*ck’s sake! Plus he’s made entirely of metal, making him literally the most metal superhero. In Avengers Assemble he also hijacks the PA of a helicopter and starts blasting AC/DC through it AND can be seen sporting a Black Sabbath t-shirt for a good proportion of the film. So yeah, it might be obvious, but this is happening, so deal with it!

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10. Hole – Violet

Courtney Love isn’t a great singer, and no one in Hole will ever set your world alight with their playing but my God can the girl growl! Yes there was that whole rumour that Cobain ghostwrote the entire album but whoever wrote Violet, Love sung it like a woman possessed. The driving guitar growls as Love screams lyrics like ‘Go on take everything, take everything I want you to.’ It’s a great song full of rage and self pity! Perfect.

9. Everclear – You Make Me Feel Like A Whore

The strength of this song is the shimmering guitars, quick up-tempo beat and Art Alexakis’ innate knowledge of melody (and smooth voice). Now listen to the song one more time and listen to the lyrics underneath it all. ‘You treat me like I am on fire/Like I’m something to eat/You make me hate what I see when I see me.’ So cool! The forgotten rock superstars of the 90’s Alexakis is the master of the swinging beat that will get you out of bed and stick in your head.

8. Guns N’ Roses – Back Off Bitch

Mr Misogynist is ol’ Axl, he can veer from writing beautiful poetry to vile hate inspired anthems and ‘Back Off Bitch’ is up there with the latter! It’s a four minute simple pumping rock song with lyrics like ‘nasty ballbreaker/Stay out of my bed/Outta my head, if its lovin you/I’m better off dead’ – you know where he was when he wrote this one. The great thing about the song is it is actually quite a good sing-a-long, with Slash’s trademark wailing guitar and a huge chorus.

7. Limp Bizkit – Stuck

Before ‘Rollin’ came out and Fred Durst managed to alienate everyone they actually wrote some of the best Nu-Metal songs about. The whole of ‘Three Dollar Bill Y’All’ has elements of Durst’s obvious break up, but this is the most explicit and I think strongest. Its got some great jazz elements in it, Sam Rivers and John Otto are brilliant making a fantastic landscape for Wes Borland to splash with a cracking riff. The song builds to a might crescendo with Durst threatening and somehow still managing not to make anyone switch off with his self pity! Get your rage on!

[Editor’s note – I love Rollin’. Happy to own up to that]

6. Nine Inch Nails- Wish

1992’s ‘Broken’ EP signaled several changes in the world of rock: it was the beginning of the end for it bragging about excess and instead became the time of Generation X. Wish is a descent into Trent Reznor’s rage; fast paced and furious throughout, it was also the only song that I can think of that contains the lyric ‘fist-f*ck’ that actually won a Grammy… Violent and perfect.

5. Orgy – Stitches

Jay Gordon wrote the whole of ‘Candyass’ about his relationship break up and it sounds like one hell of an ugly, painful experience. There are some brilliant tracks combining Orgy’s love of Depeche Mode and crunching guitars. Lyrics like ‘stitch up my emptiness/Coz your the death of me’ are very simplistic and the epic feel of the song will help with all that crying in the rain.

4. Fleetwood Mac – Silver Springs

Possibly a strange choice in the company of more aggressive songs, but the recording of ‘Rumours’ was fraught with tension as the couples within the band split and very publicly began sleeping with each other (meaning the fact they were was public, not the actual sleeping together), Silver Springs is Stevie Nix’s greatest lyrical and vocal performance, as she goes into the break down with Lindsey Buckingham. The end of the song features swirling guitars as Nix voices haunts the melody with lines like ‘Was I just a fool’ and ‘I’ll follow you down/’Til the sound of my voice haunts you.’

3. Alanis Morisette – You Oughta Know

Written very personally, and containing some bizarre lyrics that can only relate to something that really had happened in Morissette’s life, I have put this one so high up for the soul baring, and the fact that it featured some of the funkiest grooves against these brazen, vicious lyrics. To be honest, anything that contains the line ‘And are you thinking of me when you f*ck her?’ has got to be high up. It was the high point for Morissette in terms of music and an anthem for the cheated on.

2. Nine Inch Nails – Somewhat Damaged

The second entry for Mr Reznor, and beats the classic Wish – why? It is pure hatred. Not just for himself, but for the person who let him down. Reznor has never written something so simplistic before, with it’s cranking acoustic guitar and classical industrial beat. The haunting and uncomfortable tune builds to a break with Reznor speaking clearly and then descending into a roar of ‘Like you said/Me and you make it through/Didn’t quite fall apart/Where the f*ck were you?!’

1. Type O Negative – I Know You’re F*cking Someone Else

Pete Steele, the late great giant, was an old romantic without much luck, but what he did do brilliantly is incorporate very black humour with great musicanship. This is the ultimate break up song because it goes through all the stages, the anger with the elements of thrash and harmonies on single words like ‘whore’ and the other one that we’re not allowed to write here, the agony with Steele’s mournful baritone easing the pain. Its a marathon of a song incorporating so much and is a great introduction into Steele’s world of loss and rejection.

http://youtu.be/cW-JIFK8nOs

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10. Fyfe Ewing (Therapy?) 

Perhaps out of left field, and not as lauded as some of the drummers on this list, but Ewing is one of the most inventive drummers on the planet. His playing on ‘Troublegum’ is like listening to a man possessed with ideas and desperate for you to zone in on him, in classics like Screamager his fills are insane! Perhaps if Therapy? had kept their early momentum going we might be placing him a lot higher in this list…

9. Travis Barker (Blink 182, Transplants) 

Before that lame car crash reality show or strange leanings into rap, Mr Barker was an insanely talented drummer who turned a rather average band called Blink 182 into genuine superstars. The drumming in ‘Enema Of The State’ (no really, listen to it) is a journey into rapid drumming and crazy accurate fills. Also, let us not forget, this is a man that learnt two albums worth of music in 45 sodding minutes.

8. Danny Carey (Tool)

If he could be called something, I would call him The Professor; the man is constantly looking to improve his technique, not just in his hands but his feet! Feet! Tool are famed for their complicated time signatures and this is really shown off by Careys incredible epic playing. If you haven’t heard him, go buy ‘Aenema!’ Go now, we’ll wait.

7. Jimmy Chamberlain (The Smashing Pumpkins)

Forged out of the flames of rock’n’roll Hell, Jimmy Chamberlain came for one thing – to keep Billy Corgan from disappearing up his own arse. For three albums he did just that, and it is glorious! The jazz influenced thumper brings out the vicious side out of the Pumpkins and then brought them back from dream pop boredom in their last two albums, check out (F*ck You) An Ode To No One.

6. Lars Ulrich (Metallica)

Mr Consistency in my opinion. His style has changed quite dramatically – if you really listen to his playing in the early part of Metallica’s career it’s all about athletic playing with a strong sense of groove and Latin. This then became more simplistic going into the ‘Black Album’ stage and ‘Load.’ But away from all that all I know is that when I think of Metallica I think of that crushing double foot pedal in One and I want to head bang.

5. Tommy Lee (Motley Crue, Methods Of Mayhem) 

Its easy to forget that behind all the sex tapes, drug abuse, TV shows and such there’s actually one of the most naturally talented drummers around. Listen to his cross over styles in Methods Of Mayhem, the glam epic crashes in songs like Home Sweet Home or the hardline playing in all those nasty dirty classics of the 80s. Oh and did we mention he does do this upside down and suspended above the audience? Yup.

4. Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Queens Of The Stoneage)

Grohl started a trend: the really inventive and brave drummers. True, this did create a lot of terrible sound-a-likes which is a compliment. He took chances and came up with some wonderfully aggressive beats like Milk It or Lithium but it’s the patient, quietly brilliant drumming in Unplugged that really blows me away, his deft touches are sublime.

3. Bill Ward (Black Sabbath)

The biggest compliment you can pay to Bill Ward is how many seriously good drummers list him as influence including the gentleman directly below him.

Ward is the master at holding the line and then will go crashing into an excellent swinging jazz beat. I just love him in songs like Sabbath Bloody Sabbath or Snowblind. Incredible.

2. Neil Peart (Rush) 

The man is the master of the solo. His love of fusing styles together puts him this high up on the list because Peart was influenced by Jon Bonham yes but also people as diverse as Phil bleedin’ Collins! Doubt how good Peart is? Listen to Tom Sawyer when the time signature shifts just try and keep up.

1. Jon Bonham (Led Zeppelin)

What can you say about Jon Bonham? Over thirty years since his death he is still listed up there as the tree that all of the previous lot are climbing. His speed, accuracy and wildy infectious groove made Zeppelin the band that they were, his playing in Dazed And Confused still leaves shivers up my spine.

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