As the original children of the Emo movement grow up and have their own kids, the movement has to evolve with the times and adopt a new style. Enter Elder Emo, a cross generational clothing brand that creates fun Emo and pop punk themed clothing from toddlers to parents so your kids can dress like they’ve been indoctrinated into the emo movement while you indoctrinate them into the emo movement.
The following is made up of Emo bands that are featured on their clothing lineup so you can help ensure your kid’s first words are “It’s not a phase”. Aside from that you can enjoy the existential dread of knowing that every single album on this list is likely older than your children. Enjoy your back pain!
Fall Out Boy – From Under the Cork Tree
The quintessential “baby’s first emo band” album, a record full of all time classics like ‘Sugar We’re Going Down,’ ‘Dance Dance’ and ‘A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me’. If you’re going to force your kids into a life of black and white checkerboard, then you need to get this album on their Spotify algorithm as soon as they’re able to understand what their music taste is.
While you’re at it, you can check out this baby grow for your Crawl Out Boy. There’s every chance it’ll be the first sentence they’ll be able to comprehend.
My Chemical Romance – The Black Parade
Thrust upon the world in 2007 and now old enough to drink in the UK, The Black Parade is an album with enough pomp and circumstance to put it amongst the likes of ‘Tommy’ by The Who and the many gigantic epics of Queen. It’s the emo gateway drug to prog rock, even if you don’t want to admit it.
We’ve all grown up with ‘Welcome to the Black Parade’ and ‘Famous Last Words’ and your kids can grow up with it too with a Snack Parade t-shirt. Perhaps your kid’s first words will be “Mama, we all go to hell”.
Taking Back Sunday – Louder Now
Taking Back Sunday is a bit of a heavier pick but your kids need to get into heavier stuff anyway. Taking Back Sunday has a wide variety of influences and it’ll only benefit them in the long run to look into all of them.
‘Make Damn Sure’ and ‘Liar’ are a perfect introduction to the lighter side of harder music and the best part is that it can only get heavier. You’ll have your kiddo listening to Bring Me The Horizon and Suicide Silence in no time. The Taking Dad’s Sunday shirt is available at all ages because as long as you have kids, your Sundays are forfeit.
Hawthorne Heights – If Only You Were Lonely
Hawthorne Heights are a remarkably sad band and it’s important for your kids to have sad music because music is a great way for kids to feel their feelings in a more abstract manner. They don’t know why songs like ‘Pens and Needles’ are sad, they just know that something feels melancholy about it.
If a kid has a healthy relationship with how they’re feeling and how to process emotions through something like music then they’re more likely to grow up well adjusted, right? By that logic, you should make them listen to arguably one of the darkest albums by the bleak and beautiful Hawthorne Heights.
Panic At The Disco – A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out
Panic At The Disco is for when you’re adamant that you want to raise your kid to become emo and a theatre kid. It’s a hard life and your children will become intolerable but they’ll also be able to hit crazy notes and recite all the lyrics to Cats or something, I don’t know musicals because I was popular in high school (Editor’s note: No, he wasn’t).
It’s also a great way to teach your kids memorisation skills with gigantic titles like ‘There’s A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven’t Thought of It Yet’ and ‘The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage’.
Obviously, there are millions of emo albums that have stood the test of time, and they’ll continue to be passed down for generations but it’s your duty as an Elder Emo to ensure the bloodline continues to have good taste in music. Check out all of these bands and Elder Emo’s emo shirts for adults if cute is what you aim for.
